My 8th baby was born 16 weeks ago and I’ve tried numerous times to sit down for more than a few minutes to get this story finished, but you know how it goes… life and all that goodness.
Before my 7th birth, I hadn’t bothered to document them and I regret that. There are a lot of details I don’t remember and I barely remember anything at all about my 4th baby’s birth, so this committing of the memories and moments to written form is something I feel quite strongly about now… even if it takes me months! In addition, I have benefited a lot from reading other women’s birth stories and I hope that if you happen to be here, you’ll find something helpful or at least edifying in the story of how my 8th little one was born.
So here goes…
The Pregnancy
I honestly felt so much better in these last 2 pregnancies than in my first 6 and I put that down to simply knowing how to look after myself properly. Unlike the pregnancies in my 20s and early 30s, these last 2, I prioritised good food, wholefood supplements (like beef liver and NingXia) and plenty of rest. Protein for breakfast, a proper lunch, more home grown foods, bone broth incorporated into almost every dinner and more red meat (largely thanks to have our own cattle and sheep). I know this all had a huge impact. I also did an enormous amount of research in both of these later pregnancies and I’m sure this contributed to lower stress levels and better overall outcomes. While I don’t believe we should have to be an expert in every aspect of pregnancy and birth, knowing just that little bit more can make a world of difference at the right time.
With my 7th birth, I questioned everything I thought I knew about pregnancy and birth and as a result of that knowledge and new-found confidence, had a wonderful hospital birth experience, but I knew deep down if we were blessed with an 8th, we’d be staying home.
On Choosing Homebirth
My husband wasn’t initially keen on the idea of homebirth – because we’d had a great experience with the previous birth in the hospital, but also because there was of course the “what if something happens” narrative running through his mind. I told him that this is what I’d decided for this birth and I would deeply value his support and protection of that decision and space. He backed me every step of the way and was the most incredible support during the final weeks and the birth itself.
Thankfully we have access to a fantastic independent midwife as I didn’t feel comfortable free-birthing. I’ve had a lot of people say that the one thing holding them back from homebirth is the “what if” card, and of course it’s something that goes through your mind, but ultimately, we all make choices and I wasn’t about to die or let my baby die on the altar of homebirth. Our choice was to trust my intuition and the experience of my midwife that she would guide us right if we needed to transfer to a hospital at any point.
One key difference in this pregnancy from previous ones was having the midwife come to me. This was an entirely new experience and really helped to keep things running smoothly and calmly. I didn’t have to find care arrangements for the other kids or leave an older child in charge. My older kids are busy with various commitments and while they’re more than happy to step up and look after the younger kids when we need them to, I didn’t feel it was fair to ask them to do that regularly. During my previous pregnancy, the hospital pre-natal appointments would sometimes run very late and I could be gone for 4+ hours which I knew would be too much to ask on a school day with my eldest daughter working out of the home and a toddler in the mix. Having the midwife come to me eliminated all of these potential issues and relieved stress for the whole family.
As the midwife is independent and registered, she could order any bloods, scans or referrals that I needed and we could keep track of my and the baby’s progress through what were monthly appointments, which then became fortnightly and finally weekly. What a blessing to not have to do that hour round trip to the hospital at the pointy end! She also came to see me most weeks for 6 weeks post-birth.
My 20-week scan showed a marginal cord insertion of the placenta. This is when the cord attaches toward the edge of the placenta, instead of the centre. I’d never heard of it before and a quick internet search will tell you it’s something to lose sleep over. My midwife wasn’t concerned as baby’s growth was on track and everything else was well within the limits of variations of normal so we decided to just reassess with a follow-up scan in the third trimester.
The next 15 or so weeks went well. Everything progressed normally and I was feeling great. We had a scan at 33 weeks to check on the cord insertion and the baby measured quite big on that scan – around 5 weeks ahead. I wasn’t worried though as I was aware there is a +/- 21-30 margin of error for ultrasound growth assessments after 28 weeks. Also, most of my other babies had been over 4 kg at birth, so I wasn’t expecting a lightweight. At the scan, the placenta was looking normal and healthy and the cord insertion was actually measuring closer to the centre than it was at the 20-week scan.
Labour?
At about 38 weeks I started to feel lots of niggly pre-labour sensations. They’d come and go and I largely ignored them, taking the advice of a wise mother who once told me: “When that first contraction hits, treat it like it’s the most boring thing that’s ever happened to you and keep going about your day.” Honestly, in previous pregnancies, I would have rushed to hospital with these niggly contractions, probably been strapped to a trace and then agreed to a cervical check and to have my membranes ruptured because things weren’t progressing. This time, it didn’t even enter my mind to hurry things along. Lots of movement from baby and I knew she was head-down, so it was just a waiting game now. Nothing gives you the opportunity to practice patience like those final weeks of pregnancy!
At 39 weeks and 3 days, I went to bed with what felt like contractions that were slowly getting stronger and more regular. Yay! Baby was close. Even better that my midwife was already booked to come the following morning for a check-up so I went to bed in hopes of getting a few hours’ sleep before things kicked in properly.
A Trip to Hospital
But I couldn’t sleep. The pain grew so intense that I had to be in the bath to relieve it. I wasn’t concerned though as I’d been there, done that and knew that it was going to get a lot more intense. By 5 am though, I couldn’t walk. I was experiencing the most intense and debilitating unexplained pain I’d ever experienced and instead of being low across the abdomen like it was the previous few days, it had shifted up to the middle of my abdomen, right across the belly button area. It was too painful to even walk to the toilet with James’ help, so I ended up on hands and knees. James called the midwife and she didn’t like the sound of it. She asked me to meet her at the hospital as she wanted to rule out anything sinister with the placenta. The pain was so intense, I could barely get to the car and it wasn’t coming in waves anymore; it was constant.
By the time we got to hospital, my midwife was still a couple of hours away but she’d called ahead for us and the staff knew exactly what was going on and what to do when I arrived. The hospital midwife who met us at the door was deeply respectful and kind. Her first words: “I’m so sorry to see you in here, Eva – I know this isn’t what you wanted. Let’s try and work out what this pain is so we can get you back home.”
I was placed on a CTG monitor and an ultrasound was done. Everything looked perfect! The placenta was healthy, baby’s heartrate was great, she was still head-down and the monitor was picking up some contractions. We just had to try and find out what was causing this insane pain.
During the time we were waiting for our midwife to arrive, we saw nine hospital staff – four doctors and five midwives – no one had any idea what the issue could be. There were not even any suggestions beyond that it could have been scar pain from my first birth which was a c-section. But I knew it wasn’t that – it was far too high up in my abdomen. The doctors who saw me were concerned about my having a homebirth and asked if my midwife had explained the risks of homebirth to me. They were very condescending and cited various maternal death stats to me but hadn’t even looked closely at my yellow card as they assumed I’d had no scans. I’d had three. They focussed on the fact I’d had a c-section 18 years prior and didn’t even mention the fact I’d given birth vaginally a further 6 times. They were surprised when I told them we had a synthetic oxytocin shot in the fridge at home should we require it. After talking at me for 20 minutes and without any possible suggestions for the current pain issue, I was very relieved when they finally left the room.
A little while later, after a couple of hours on the trace, my midwife arrived, gave me a big bear hug, checked over the CTG and said, “Eva, I’ve been thinking and it sounds like this might be bowel impaction.”
We talked through what that meant, how we might treat it and asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I just wanted to go home, have a sleep and then have a baby. So that’s what we did.
We left the hospital via a pharmacy to grab some Movicol, took that and some pain relief, went to bed and slept for THREE HOURS straight – longer than I’d slept in over a month. When I woke, the pain was completely gone. I could walk, shower, eat, use the toilet by myself. I was absolutely blown away and felt ready for proper labour now. My midwife popped in later in the day for another check and things felt back to normal. I had the most awesome sleep that night.
Quickest, Easiest Birth
The following evening, I went to bed at 10 hoping to get a couple of hours sleep; the contractions had been coming and going since about 7 and I was half-expecting another night of niggly on and off stuff, but by 11 pm I was in the bath to help relieve the pain. The contractions were coming thick and fast now and I started to time them using an app because I still thought things might settle down again. Joke was on me.
I messaged my midwife, listened to some music, tried to just shift around and breathe through them and at 2:11 am, I stopped the contraction timer, got out of the bath and woke James. The midwife was on her way and we popped her on speaker phone. At 2:53 am, baby girl was born.
That last hour was crazy. I had never given birth without some form of pain relief before, even if it was just gas, so birthing without the gas to distract me was a new experience. I using my oils and had a comb that I was pushing into my hand and I felt they both helped a lot, but I was also pushing through contractions way before I would have been “told” to push in the hospital. I felt like it was the only thing I could do to relieve the pressure/pain and honestly feel that made the birth so much quicker. I was “using” the contractions much earlier than it’s conventionally understood that you should and I’m sure that helped with the whole process.
Once I knew bub was close, I moved onto my knees with my arms on the side of the bath and James was able to move behind and catch her. I’ve seen women catching their babies but I honestly can’t fathom having the presence of mind to do that! I really needed to be holding on to something during those final pushes.
She was my biggest baby by a long shot (4,950g / 10 lb 9 oz) but for the first time, I didn’t tear. I put this down to a few things, all of which were first for me: birthing in water, not birthing on my back and starting to push earlier on to relieve pressure.
The Kids’ Involvement
My two eldest girls (18 and 11 years) were in the bathroom when she was born and my 18 year old said that the birth was nowhere near as intense as she’d expected it to be: “Nothing like the movies.” My 11 year old wasn’t overly impressed and thought it was all pretty gross. Rather a healthy response from an 11 year old, I feel! My 8 year old daughter decided she didn’t want to be in the room for the birth but waited until she heard me say, “Hello, baby girl,” and in her words she then “knew it was safe to enter.”
By this time, the toddler had woken so the boys (16, 14 and 12 years) all waited outside the bathroom to be invited in. They came to see her for a few moments then left before the placenta was delivered. Must be pretty incredible for a kid to see their sibling as soon as they’re born. Baby girl latched on within minutes and the placenta came out 20 minutes after. My placenta was quite ragged, but we kept it as intact as possible, scooped it into a bowl and kept her attached to it until the midwife arrived. She tied the cord, my 18 year old cut it and then the midwife checked over the placenta.
Everyone had the day off schoolwork to enjoy the fresh snuggles, crowd around while the midwife was doing her checks and to just be in awe of the whole miracle that is welcoming a new baby into the family.
I was asked if I was worried about traumatising my kids if they heard me giving birth, but to be honest, it wasn’t something I was at all concerned about. Birth isn’t inherently traumatic and none of my kids are traumatised. They saw/heard the process and know how hard the last week of pregnancy was and I hope it makes them more empathetic humans. They were an enormous help to me and I’m so grateful to them all.
I don’t think birth should be a mystery to kids, or something that happens in a sterile environment where all the mess is cleaned up and packed away like it never happened. It’s hard work having babies and I don’t have a problem with my kids knowing that. In fact, I hope it helps them to appreciate children more and to understand what women do to bring babies into the world.
The Overarching Feel
I’ve had so many people tell me they could never do this. I was definitely the person who said I could never birth at home. It takes a lot of mindset work to trust that your body will do what women’s bodies were made to do when we’ve been so heavily conditioned to believe we need help. And sometimes we do, of course. I’m not anti-intervention. Just anti-intervention when it’s not necessary for me or my baby. It took a good 2+ years of head/heart work and research (plus lots of pregnancies/births with obstetric abuse) to get to the point where I was genuinely calm about birthing at home.
Before birthing at home, I thought that it was kind of an alternative choice. A bit weird, left of field, crunchy/hippy – whatever adjective you want to insert – I never considered it something particularly “normal”. Whatever that means, right?!
Now, looking back, it just feels so… normal. Again, whatever that means. It’s hard to describe, but: why would I ever birth anywhere else? If I or the baby don’t need medical attention, home is the only place for us.
It’s all been a lot to process and I’ve never felt so called to share our birth story because of how close we came to a very different outcome. So much happened in the few days before the birth that made me so grateful we chose to birth outside the system in the care of an independent midwife who was worth her weight in gold, even though she didn’t even make it to the birth… literally earned every cent of her fee 36 hours before I even went into labour.
Honestly, I would have agreed to a c-section if I’d been in the system cause there’s no way I could have pushed her out. I couldn’t even stand or walk with that bowel impaction pain. You’re not “allowed” to waterbirth at our hospital if you’ve had a c-section (my first was c-section). Plus, they would have wanted to micromanage third stage because the 20 week scan showed marginal cord insertion. God sure knew what He was doing prompting us to choose this path.
Feeling the Call?
If you’ve felt a call to birth at home, here are some things I recommend:
- Follow natural birth social media accounts. They are filled with gold – the beautiful AND the hard.
- Read the stories and listen to the women who’ve gone before you. You never know what tidbit of wisdom you’ll need in the moment.
- Trust your instincts.
- Gather solid support around you and be selective with who you tell because people will project their own fear and experiences on to you, be they good or bad.
